The sun is shi­ning bright­ly and the glit­te­ring la­yer of fresh, white snow daz­z­les my ey­es. Yet, on­ly a mo­ment la­ter it seems like so­me­o­ne has switc­hed off the light. Eve­ryt­hing looks grey, and the air is full of snowf­la­kes whir­led about by wind.

I think spring days are like a per­son’s mood, with joy and lon­ging pre­sent at al­most the same time.

I got a baby sis­ter for­ty ye­ars ago. I hard­ly re­mem­ber anyt­hing about her birth, but I re­mem­ber that on­ly a week pre­vi­ous­ly we had mo­ved to our brand-new home, which was just ac­ross the road from our old home. Some boys from the Opis­to came to help with a trac­tor. We mo­ved from the Opis­to buil­ding in­to our new hou­se.

I al­so re­mem­ber from that time my di­sap­point­ment of ha­ving to ce­leb­ra­te my fifth birth­day in our old home at the Opis­to, while my cou­sin, who li­ved prac­ti­cal­ly next-door to us, ce­leb­ra­ted her birth­day in their new home.

Ma­y­be, for a five-ye­ar-old, her birth­day was more sig­ni­fi­cant than the birth of a baby sis­ter. But now that my yo­un­ger sis­ter tur­ned 40, I ful­ly ap­p­re­ci­a­te how im­por­tant she is for me!

I was not ab­le to at­tend my sis­ter’s birth­day par­ty, but she sent me pic­tu­res. I was re­al­ly glad for her hap­pi­ness, but still felt a lit­t­le sad for not ha­ving been ab­le to be pre­sent my­self.

I re­mai­ned to won­der if it would right for me to share my lon­ging with the hap­py ones who en­jo­yed each ot­her’s com­pa­ny. Would it les­sen their hap­pi­ness if I told them? Or should I just go and hide so­mew­he­re and cry about my lo­ne­so­me­ness?

I en­ded up tel­ling them so­met­hing about my fee­lings. I did not mean to det­ract from their joy but on­ly wan­ted to let them know that I was lo­ne­so­me for their com­pa­ny and friends­hip. That I am gra­te­ful for my sib­lings and their spou­ses and ap­p­re­ci­a­te the bond that we have des­pi­te the long dis­tan­ces that se­pa­ra­te us.

I al­so re­mai­ned to pon­der whet­her I can choo­se my way of vie­wing things: should I feel that I am mis­sing so­met­hing or rat­her re­mem­ber all the good things that I have. It is pos­sib­le that so­me­o­ne may long for pre­ci­se­ly the things that I have been gi­ven.

Se­ve­ral ye­ars ago, a friend of mine said that to my sis­ter, poin­ting out that I have many things that some ot­hers would be hap­py to have in their li­ves.

At that time, too, my ot­her sib­lings and their friends were spen­ding time to­get­her, while I was far away all by my­self.

Or I was not all by my­self, but ma­y­be still lo­ne­so­me. That was around the time when I was still fin­ding my own nic­he in a new en­vi­ron­ment and a new com­mu­ni­ty up here in the north.

The words of that friend and neigh­bor were wise – as were many of his ot­her com­ments, too!

My mot­her-in-law, for whom I am the best daugh­ter-in-law (her on­ly son’s wife), as­ked a coup­le of weeks ago if I have ever reg­ret­ted mo­ving here. She went on to say that I would not have to ans­wer if I did not want. I think I ans­we­red ho­nest­ly, ”I have not reg­ret­ted it!”

Things have not al­wa­ys been ea­sy, but I have not reg­ret­ted mo­ving up here. I take it as God’s gui­dan­ce. Af­ter all, my life here has been the ful­fil­l­ment of at le­ast one or even more dre­ams.

Here I have my home and the pe­op­le I love. I like li­ving here. I have even le­arnt to en­joy so­li­tu­de. And I know that one should be hap­py with the things one has been gi­ven.

One should work and even suf­fer hards­hips to at­tain one’s dre­ams.

My hus­band and child­ren su­re­ly al­so re­mem­ber dif­fe­rent fee­lings and com­ments from me, words spo­ken at mo­ments of frust­ra­ti­on and fa­ti­gue. But they know me well enough to take these com­ments as tran­sient out­bursts of gloo­mi­ness.

Hu­man mind, at le­ast my mind, re­al­ly is like a spring day. There is storm and suns­hi­ne that al­ter­na­te, of­ten wit­hout a war­ning.

We need to have a lot of pa­tien­ce, un­ders­tan­ding, fle­xi­bi­li­ty, love and for­gi­ve­ness. I am hap­py we have had enough of them as a fa­mi­ly.

Text: Sal­la Pät­si

Trans­la­ti­on: Sirk­ka-Lii­sa Lei­no­nen

You will find the ori­gi­nal blog post here.